Quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life

Dora the Movie

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Curiosity

Actual conversation by the town center fountains/playground:

Nude little boy: Hello

Me: hi!

Zoe:    ::silence because the darn child still isn’t talking::

Nude little boy busies himself towelling off

Zoe: ohh ohh ohh!!    :points to boy’s bellybutton::

Me: oh yes, that’s his belly button

Zoe: ohh ohh ohh!!    ::points to his penis::

Nude little boy: hey!   ::turns away::

Me: oh sorry, she’s just curious because she’s a girl and she doesn’t have those parts

Nude little boy:    ::thinks::

Me: you know, because girls and boys have different parts

Nude little boy: hey!  Yeah! Girls have a black triangle thing right here!!     ::points to his privates::

Me:   ::die laughing::

The end.  

 

School’s out, Act 1

School has been out for two weeks now and, so far, things have been going well.  We went to Santa Fe to visit grandma and grandpa for a few days, so that was a nice little distraction.  Max received a gift of two more Lego ninjas, cementing his obsession with all things ninja even further.  Yesterday at Walgreens he was really good helping me shop so I agreed to guy him something from the dollar aisle before we left and we found this….

Seriously?  Does this toy need to be THIS small?  Notice he is not much bigger than Max’s eye in the background.  He is approximately the size of my thumb nail.  Between this, Polly Pocket, and ridiculously small Lego pieces, my vacuum cleaner is going to be jam-packed by the end of the week.  No wonder my house is a friggin mess.  I cannot keep up with these things.  I decided to really check out the toys my kids have and do a little inventory.

I give you a random sampling of one of the drawers in the children’s toy cabinet.  I reached in, grabbed a handful and came up with this:

A. One fourth of an orange crayon;   B. A yellow golf ball;  C. An old dehydrated apple chip (personally made by me….do you see the respect I get?….just tossed into the toy drawer instead of eaten???;  D. A random Lego piece, which belongs to who knows which set, small and sharp enough to slice my foot right open;  E. A small traffic cone;  F. A teeny tiny pretty pony;  G. Pretend Cream of Chicken soup….mmmmm;  H. A pipe cleaner shaped spider that I have never seen before in my whole life, but the thing is sharper than a steak knife;  I. A plastic shaped ball, which opens and is apparently supposed to hold something;  J. A pretend lemon;  K. A Lego head, which is super cool because, as you can see, he’s totally rocking sunglasses;  L. Random tiny Lego pieces the size of Zoe’s smallest toenail;  M. A Ninjago catalog to convince children that they need more Ninjago stuff;  N. An angry bird pig;  O. An Angry Bird band-aid, unwrapped, but, mysteriously,  unused.

I can’t cope.  No wonder we can never find anything…..none of this stuff even matches anything else in the same drawer.  It’s all just random and driving me insane!  Time for a serious toy reorganization.  I’ll just fit that in between my 6234 loads of laundry, 12,000 dishes and 24 trips per week to the grocery store.  Oh and in a brilliant maneuver, I told Max we would make homemade granola bars tomorrow and we bought crapload of oats, nuts, honey and coconut today.  Because that won’t take any time at all.

Mother’s Day

So it’s been a few weeks since Mother’s Day, but I just wanted to post my favorite part of it.  This is what Max did in school that day.

Um, cereal?  No, not my favorite food.  Um, the dentist?  He’s gone twice in his life and I doubt he even remembers the first visit.  Allowance?  This is my son’s favorite thing about me?

And why is my belly button so enormous?