Parenting with a sense of humor

I have a pretty good compilation of embarrassing parenting moments.  I have more stories than I can count, but we can save those for another day.  I give you this:

*When DS was younger, he liked to pick his nose.  One day I took him to the mall in his little buggy (the red one with the blue handle).  As I was shopping, he kept saying, “mommy, mommy”, but I didnt really pay much attention.  Well I guess he had picked his nose and had a big ol’ booger at the end of his little index finger and was trying to get my attention to show it to me.  Another lady saw this and started laughing.  I just got a wipe and cleaned it off of his finger, but I felt so embarrased.  God only knows how long he was flashing his booger for. 

*I’ve nicknamed one of my 3 year olds Gossip Girl. Every time I pick her up from preschool, she feels the need to report who got in trouble, who got a time out, who didnt listen. And this is in front of all the parents. I try to quickly change the subject, but its always immediately “Justin didnt listen today. John got yelled at” And I’m sure shes so innocent.

*In line at the supermarket, DS noticed the very large woman behind us was buying those YoCrunch yogurts with the candy and cookie stir ins.  He told her, “that’s not very healthy food!”  I guess I should be glad that he knows!

*My husband always makes sure it be known when asked in the morning from Jadyn “where are you going Daddy” …as he is off to work…..with his reply ” I am going to work to make the money”………Last week someone asked Jadyn what does your Daddy do for his job?…..Her reply ” He “makes” money!

*When DD1 was just under 3, we were at French class doing the opening song. Each child would take a turn while we all sat in a circle, singing, in French, “Hello (name) how are you?”.  When it was DD’s turn, she sat quietly for a second. Then she turned around, looked at me and grabbed my boobs. As if that wasn’t enough, she shouted out “Mommy’s boobies! Mommy’s boobies!” laughing hysterically, and squeezing my boobs w/ both hands with everyone looking on.

*My husband, as well as many others his age, are in love with Star Wars. And slowly your children get introduced to the characters…not by watching the movies themselves, but seeing items my husband owns, commercials, and happy meal toys. Well, my three year old decided it is pronounced as “Star Whores”. Now I see the error in my ways thinking this is hysterical and I didn’t want to correct her and take away our amusement. And it never was an issue….until Halloween. Because we had just started school last fall, we were slowly being introduced to the children in our subdivision and getting to know the parents. One family dressed all five of themselves as Star Wars characters….do you see where we’re going now? In the middle of trick or treating…”MOMMY, MOMMY…LOOKS IT’S STAR WHORES”. Thank goodness it was dark, because I felt my face get hot and time was frozen as I swear hundreds of families just stop and stare in the middle of the street. I felt like I was naked. So I quickly corrected her and laughed trying to not sound bothered by the whole scene. Then I hear a heckler in the crowd…”No honey….that’s a completely different movie” Laughter errupted as we quickly fled the scene.

*Erin lets everyone know that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. She will just randomly announce it. Then goes on to clarify that Sean has a penis and she has a vagina. And that I have a vagina. Then will say “girls have a vagaina. Boys have penis. Girls have vagina. What comes next mommy?? BOYS HAVE PENIS!!” While happy that she has the whole anatomically correct thing figured out, it gets a bit old having my 3 year old announce to the cashier at King Soopers her knowledge of the vagina and the penis. I suppose it’s better than the story my mom tells about my brother when he was 2. We lived in a VERY caucasian little farming town in Michigan and they were visiting my grandparents in Detroit and my brother saw some African Americans and loudly asked my mother about the chocolate people. How fun for her.

*David’s new favorite thing to do is wipe his snot on my shirt. Ever since he’s had his most recent cold, I have had to change my shirt 2 to 3 times a day. I don’t have a lot of maternity clothes, so it has made for some lovely belly shirts.

On another note, some douchbag dad asked me today if I was having twins. I laughed (to avoid the tears) and told him no. He then said “I bet I’m not the first guy to ask you that.” OH REALLY! What a jerk.

I concur with that–what a jerk.  In my opinion you aren’t even allowed to ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you actually see a baby emerging from her vagina.

Give me a few more days to write of my 7 days with the kiddos alone.  I’m still recovering!


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